i noticed that at the beginig of each relationships you notice only good things and it seems for you that your partner is ideal for you. with time you begin to see more and more bad traits of his character and this begins to drive you crazy...i think that we are not ideal at all and it is normal to have something that your partner will not like.
A movie diva Marilyn Monroe once said "I don't need a person who sees only good in me. I need a person who sees bad in me, but still wants to be with me". I think, she was right. Of course, at the very beginning love is blind - we close our eyes on those things in our partner that we don't want to see and idealize even those things which do not deserve idealizing (and sometimes even do not deserve forgiving). But with time our eyes usually open and we begin to see the disadvantages of our second half. But if we love, we accept them, and even if we coreect them, we do it gently and wisely.
What do you love about your partner? In order to bring out the BEST qualities in someone, you have to know what they are. Often, the qualities we resonate with are those that pair with our own core values. Define what these values are for you. How do you see these manifesting in your partner? Perhaps you recognize kindness, compassion, generosity, integrity, or peace. These are the types of qualities that serve to enhance relationships. Remember those times when you first discovered these great qualities in them? It felt great! It felt like a warm hug expanding from the inside out.
People who are high on self-other overlap will attempt to protect their partner and minimise the threat by rating the trait or skill that they compared their partner on as less important. Self-other overlap happens when romantic partners' senses of self gradually begin merging together and with one another. People begin to talk more in terms of 'us' and 'we' than 'me' and 'him/her', and see their partners as an extension of themselves. These people are able to maintain positive views of their partner in spite of unfavourable comparisons. They still see their partner as being close to their ideal partner, which has positive implications on their relationship.
Idealizing definitely leads to disappointments. Nobody is perfect and each of us has both positive and negative sides and character features. So if you build relationships with a person thinking that he is perfect, then you are probably wrong and time will show it. You will blame your partner in being not as good as you thought he was. But he is not to blame in this case, you are, because instead of accepting your partner the way he is you fell in love with an image created in your own head, transformed it on a real person and blamed this person for it
I think when you are in love and it is the beggining of your relationships, you don't and can't see bad or irritating things in your partner. Later you start to notice something that you don't like. But that doesn't mean that it is 'bad' features of your partner, that is only you don't like it. You also have those things which your partner could find irritating for himself. As for me, we are in relationships for 3 years and I still don't see something that really enrage me. Of course there are some details which we'd like to change into each other. If we don't like something, we talk about it and try to change it together.
I love how much he loves me. I love the fact that I feel incredibly safe when he's holding me, and that he never pressures me to do anything I don't want to do. I love that he's so understanding about my past. I love how we share this deep connection that a lot of people don't have . What I hate... hmmm thats a tough one. I hate the way he gets defensive when I bring up something that is not as happy of a conversation, but that I feel needs to be discussed. Our communication skills need to be worked on a bit. And I hate that he hurts so much because of my past. He doesn't like that I hurt, and I love him for that, but at the same time, I don't like to see him in pain either.
Hope this helps, feel free to email me anytime through my profile if you need more help or want to talk.
Actually it is considered that if you have a tendency to see only bad things that one person does it mean that you are the greatest pessimist that can ever exist and that you need to be more patient to the things to try to achieve. I personally try to see the only advantages of my partner as he tries to be very patient and never allows himself t make stupid things in order to offend me somehow, you know something like that can appear and that is pity when the person you love try to make you cry. In that case he seems to be not cleaver one. Pay attention to that.
Everything seems easy and perfect at first sight. But everything changes with time. I think that there are no ideal people and all of us have both bad and good traits of character. It is not an easy thing to find a man with whom you are really happy. When you are together you try not to pay attention to his bad traits of character. Sometime when you are fed up with everything you tell him about these things that drive you crazy. I don’t think it helps much and you can’t break up because of this. In the end you just stop quarrelling and stay happy together as before. I see both things but try not to concentrate my attention to the bad ones.
i can see evrything in my partner. previously when we were only dating i could not see anything bad in him, i think that i really idealized him, and it is every bad, because later when we started living together i understood that he has lots of drawbacks and i was really shocked how i didnt notice them. but i see lots of good in him, and everything good that he has is more important that everything bad. if you love the person then you try to tranform all bead features of you partner into good ones.
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