I can say that people can idealize their partner only when they have just started dating, when their are in love and wear pink glasses, when hormones does not allow us to see the whole truth...It happened to me too, when we started dating with my boyfriend, i used to think that he is an ideal man - so kind, caring, gentle, loving, tender etc. But i saw his demerits when we started living together, i started noticing that he is nor perfect, that sometimes he can be lazy, untidy, sometimes even angry and agressive...But then after some time i have got used to all his features of character, also to his negative parts....
In my opinion it`s important to see all sides of the man and don`t be dissapoined in some time. I know many couples that marry after two-three monthes of dating. Everything was all right, but through time thiir lovers change and show their true personality, their bad habbits. People begin to argue with each other, though they had all chances to check it by livin in civil marriage for some time. If I will find a boyfriend I won`t wear pink glasses and notice bad features too. All in all I think I will accept these features because of love.
i see everything in my partner good and bad too. i dont want to idealize him. he is as he is and i dont want to change anything in HIM. then he will be not mine. i know to live with his disadvantages and i learned to accept them, and i know how to make his advantages even more visable and more important. of course my boyfrined is not perfect but he is mine and he will always be mine. and for me he will always be the best boyfriend ever, even if he has some drawbacks.
When we meet some person and start relations with him, when we fall in love with him, especially when we were alone for pretty long period of time and at last we seem to find a person who is perfect for us, we put on pink glasses and see only best features of character in our beloved...Psychologists say that it can last from several days to couple of years...
As for me, i also was a blind calf, when i met my future boyfriend :blush: When we have just started our relations, i saw only his good features of character and only when we started living together, i saw all his merits and demerits...Firstly i could not get used to his negative part but later we got ground and now i love all parts of him - both positive and negative :cheer:
I think that people who are high on self-other overlap will attempt to protect their partner and minimise the threat by rating the trait or skill that they compared their partner on as less important. Self-other overlap happens when romantic partners' senses of self gradually begin merging together and with one another. People begin to talk more in terms of 'us' and 'we' than 'me' and 'him/her', and see their partners as an extension of themselves. These people are able to maintain positive views of their partner in spite of unfavourable comparisons.
As for me i can see evrything in my partner. previously when we were only dating i could not see anything bad in him, i think that i really idealized him, and it is every bad, because later when we started living together i understood that he has lots of drawbacks and i was really shocked how i didnt notice them. but i see lots of good in him, and everything good that he has is more important that everything bad. if you love the person then you try to tranform all bead features of you partner into good ones.
As for me I see everything in my partner at the same time! I see his good and bad sides at the same time. In addition, I understand that each of us has good and bad. And if we look at the bad things too much, it could spoil our relations.
So we should not say our partner about something bad that you see. And you have to appreciate all the good things your partner has. Each of us is perfect. So, we have the right to have a bad side in our actions.But this should not be a problem for us. This should be an incentive to become better! In family life, if you want to be with your partner, you should have compromises in this way :)
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