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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

Hello everybody! Friends, what do you think about the importance of a child to grow up really honest? I think that's really important for every family. It's not too good when your child is trying to hide something from you, or you start to lie to hide something. And you know that he's lying to you because children lie - it's very naive. Psychologists have always said that the child has a reason for it. Then what can help to grow up a honest child? What can help the child understand that he should not lie to his parents and loved ones all around. And any lie always has consequences. What can we do for this? :blink:

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

Well, I'm just telling you things that I know from my life. Well, or something I heard once. As expressed by this frustrated mother, lying children and teens can drive us nuts—if we allow them to. The best you can do as a parent is keep yourself from overreacting to your child's lies. If you overreact, then you are just building a bigger barrier between you and your child feeling safe to open up to you. This can also fuel further lying behaviors. The "truth" is that often pre-teens and teens will shade the truth or downright lie. It is best, as parents, not to take the lies personally.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

All this is what I have heard, I read once in the past, and my opinion as well. I hope that the guys here can also give more. This is not easy, but if you step back and stay mindful that kids can lie for different reasons, this realization alone may help you stay calm. Pre-teens and teens can lie to try to avoid getting in trouble, defend a friend they like, or lie because they are too upset to talk about painful experiences, like rejection from peers. It is important to be cognizant of the difference between lies that cover up for risky behaviors including drug use as opposed to smaller, everyday lies.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

There are many opinions and information about it. I'll just say fact that in my head. Lying that results in, or covers for, unsafe or illegal behavior must be addressed directly. Instead of getting hung up if your teen is showing remorse, and yes, I realize that this is important, remember that being responsive is paramount. When the lying is about dangerous behaviors, involving drug or alcohol use, stealing, or other risky activities, seek guidance from a qualified mental health professional in your local community. Try to keep in mind that kids can be quite self-absorbed (can't we also be as adults?) and they often don't understand how hurtful lies can be.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

I hope that the information you get from me - thing what you are looking for. Calmly discuss versus lecture about honesty and dishonesty, and why they chose to lie. Do not use a judgmental tone, as it just usually fuels the "See, I can't tell my parents anything" reflex from preteens and teens. You may not be able to stop your teen from creating those every day lies, but you can convey that there are other options available. I suggest that you think of yourself as an "emotion coach" versus over the top disciplinarian out to show who is boss.

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Moro
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 09/02/2016 - 14:18
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

I'm not too clever at it. But in any case, I've heard some things. Talk about how telling the truth can feel scary and how we can all feel scared and that it's okay. Share how calming down and solving problems are the keys for a successful life. Relate how lies can give the tempting illusion of calm and avoiding problems (e.g. homework not completed) but in the long run lies just create stress and emotional chaos. If you feel that your child is making lies a "go to" way to cope then acknowledge this observation. Talk about the problems they face as a consequence of lying but don't use shaming tones as you speak.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

Due to my modesty, I can not say too much about it, but in any case, I will try. Join with your child about his fears. For example, does he believe that saying something dishonest helps him fit in? Remember, above all, to help your child see her value. I often remind my own children and my clients about KYV (Know Your Value). In fact, I wrote a past blog on this very topic. For example, if your child is exaggerating a story, you might ask, "What you were telling me really held my interest, but then it seemed like you started to add things to it that weren't true.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

I do not know about the effectiveness of what I am telling. But in any case, this is what I know. Keep in mind that addressing lying behaviors is a process versus a quick fix. Some kids may take a while before they feel safe to level with you. But if you keep your own emotional reactivity and judgmental responses at bay, your child or teen is more likely to eventually open up. While in the short term you may just get a shrug, keeping yourself calm will your help your voice of truth and reason be heard. That got in the way of seeing how you really are becoming so mature. Can you tell me why you decided to do that?"

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

My experience has always tells me some things that I can share with my friends. Between ages 3 and 4, your preschooler begins to separate truth from falsehood, but this doesn't mean he's the most dependable reporter. He's still swayed by forgetfulness, wishful thinking, and imagination. (He honestly doesn't remember leaving his bath towel on the floor, he really wants to believe he didn't track in that mud, and he's certain the wind blew his broccoli off his plate and onto the floor so the dog could eat it!) When children this age lie knowingly and willfully, "it's usually because they're afraid of punishment or they're afraid of disappointing us.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

Well, we're here to help each other in different problems. Therefore, I'll tell you what I've read about it. I hope it will be useful to you. Avoid labels. Don't call your child a liar. It'll only make him defensive, and over time he may start to believe in and live up (or down) to the label. Instead, let him know that you don't like lies, but you still love him — no matter what he's done. Say gently but firmly, "That doesn't sound like the truth to me. Sometimes we all worry about telling the truth if we're afraid we've done something wrong." Don't ask questions when you already know the answer.

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Mike24
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
Honesty, honesty and honesty again.

I do not have too much experience in this life. But I have read enough books to help me understand some things. So I share with you my knowledge about it. If you're quite sure that your preschooler hasn't cleaned his room, resist the urge to ask, "Did you clean up yet?" Instead say, "I see that you didn't clean up your room," or, better yet, "Please show me your tidy room," which lets him know that you intend to verify the facts personally. This way, you're able to deal with one issue — his responsibility to complete his chore — without inviting a lie as well. If you do catch your child in a lie, don't ask, "Are you telling the truth?"

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