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matthew
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2016 - 16:30
what is better?

Breaking up is (usually) hard to do
Breaking up with someone can seem easy if the relationship is no longer what you want and your ex accepts that. Usually it is not so straightforward. People may linger in relationships because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, or because they hope things might improve. They may fear they’ll be labelled the ‘bad guy’ for ending the relationship or lose mutual friends. They may struggle to give up on something they’ve invested their time/emotions/finances in; or worry they’ll be seen as a failure for ending things. Some don’t want to be single, or are worried about the impact of separation on their children. Others are afraid their partner could self-harm or be violent if the relationship ends. :S :S :S :S

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LittleLion
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
what is better?

Here are some of the characteristics of people caught in relationship addictions, as I think:
Narrowing of personal interests to focus intensely on the relationship.
Trying to change and control the partner to meet one's own need of being secure in the relationship.
Emphasizing "working on the relationship" as a life style instead of living life.
Excessively reading self-help and how to books and attending workshops on relationships rather than directly dealing with their personal immaturity.
Manufacturing a constant crisis to gain the attention of the partner.
Remaining committed to saying in the relationship despite its destructive nature.
Having a high level of suffering and becoming a master of martyrdom.
Compromising and sacrificing of personal interests, ethics and values.
Attaching yourself to your partner in dependent way and seeking to make the partner dependent.
Having another relationship waiting in the wings while the present one is deteriorating or hanging on to the past relationship and being unable to move on with daily life.

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523

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Peter
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
what is better?

I want toadmit it, everyone wants to have that relationship that is easy, the one you don’t have to work at. It just devastated me that in 3 years we have had this issue come up repeatedly without being able to ever resolve it. For now, we have decided to stay together and try to work on our issues because we can’t even bear the thought of breaking up at this point. I think we might try counseling. I just don’t know. Is this something we can work through? Will our doubts ever stop? Is this about meeting each others needs or accepting each other as is? Is love really all you need? I have so many questions and thoughts, I just don’t know what to do. I feel kind of hopeful because our love is so strong, but I am still pretty torn right now. :(

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Carl
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
what is better?

There are few situations in life as disappointing as realizing that the person you're with is just not right for you. Such situations happen to much with me. As it is very hard to find the person who will accept you, the way you are. In order to break ties with someone to whom you are very attached, you'll need to get uncomfortably honest with yourself. You need to be willing to look clearly at the things in the relationship that aren't working, and also at the ways you've been justifying your partner's behavior, or the relationship generally. I think this depends on the situation and the person you have by your side. If he is sooooo bad you may leave him, if he is ok, you may want him to leave you!

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567

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Peter
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
what is better?

Rather strange questoin. I should admit. It really always depends. Conversations — especially the deep ones — rarely go smoothly and hardly ever go as planned. They twist and turn, a tangent here, an unexpected comment there. Don’t be rigid when you’re talking with your partner. The more attached you are to how the conversation should play out, the more disappointed you’ll be by how it does.Move with the dialogue, bend with it, be in the moment with what’s happening between the two of you. You can still share what it is you need to share, but you may end up having to do it differently than you'd planned. And that’s OK.

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Steve
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:00
what is better?

I think that creating such conditions for your partner to leave first is a silly thing, I even suppose that it is a trait of a weak personality. Being honest is a choice of a strong person. I think that it does not matter who the initiator to split up is, the point is that some of you do not love anymore. Such situations happen very often. If a person you want to leave is really in love with you, then it will not be a problem to split up, because this person will wish you only good things and happiness. They say, if you love, let somebody go, if this person really needs it. The ending of relationships should not bring any confudions and frustration, such end is just a new beginning.

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644

Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
what is better?

Do not worry so much! I think you have to say honestly what you think about the situation. When you begin to use a lie, or do you just keep quiet - things get worse. It always gets worse. Anyway. So, it seems to me, the only possibility to solve the problem - say what you want to break up with him. It's not better when you're starting to change it with another guy, or do something that he started getting hurt because of you. It will bring a lot of pain for both of you. And then, maybe someone of you will want to give revenge. So, no need to do so. The truth is always the best anyway!Lies always makes the situation is bad. And sometimes you can not return it back.

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Ben29
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
what is better?

I prefer to be honest im my life, and in my relationships, so I tell my partner a truth. If I feel that he is not the man of my life, then we break off our relationships. I don't see any need in being with a person, to whom I don't feel love, passion, and desire to be together. Our life is too short for it.

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593

Serq12
Last seen: 4 days 5 hours ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
what is better?

hmm, difficult topic. i think its bad use person, that you do not love it unashamedly. . and his feelings think when you throw? it is better to be honest, and that the earth he was. . round. . all return..Doing a pleasure life choices, it is important to understand that it is not absolutely good or absolutely bad, in any form of choice has its pros and cons. In our choice of the price for the fact that you live without beloved is your lack of implementation as guy living with a partner who does not love you. If the price seems too high, you can always change your choice, in this you are free, and choose another option, you satisfying. But to sit on two chairs, to get everything at once is not possible in this life to anyone, and you will not be able, as it were, you would not like it.

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610

Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
what is better?

First of all,it was always very hard for me,when it came to breaking up a relationship,especially,when it last long and I was truly,deeply in love.It hasn't happened that often in my life,but always was unbearable.So,it's hard to answer the question-what's better,when he leaves you or when you leave yourself...I think,it all depends on certain obstacles of breaking up-who's fault it is more etc.But also,it depends on if you're a strong dude or not.If you're strong,it would be easier for you to leave first,if the opposite-you'll wait,until he leaves.

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