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Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

I also do not think that a person should look in a calendar and say something like "Today is one year (two years, etc, ) since we have started dating, so it is time to talk about future". Everything is individual and there can be no exact time for such a conversation. ut if you feel that you want to fall asleep every night and wake up every morning only with this person, that you want to cook him breakfasts (or eat what he cooks for you even if it is something completely uneatable) and devote your life to making him happy, then you must tell him about it.

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matthew
Last seen: 1 year 12 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2016 - 16:30
when it is time to talk about future?

When you start off by throwing in your life's dreams, desires and how he fits into them, he begins to wonder if he is capable of fulfilling those grand notions and gets a little panicked! Instead, start slow by talking about the facts. "We've been dating for a little over a year." "I've come to trust you a great deal." These are stated in simplistic ways and will lay out a blueprint that a man will gladly entertain thoughts about. Choose the things you want to highlight that will later build a case for long-term love, but state them simply and leave it at that for starters.

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LittleLion
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
when it is time to talk about future?

Clearly, there’s a problem with asking the big questions too early. You might scare the other person off if you begin addressing the “serious” issues before you’re far enough into the relationship. If he think that all you want is a marriage partner—any marriage partner—instead of the right person to be happy with, then they might not hang around long enough to find out what a great person you are. If you have an instinct that it’s too soon or that you two aren’t quite in the same place in terms of emotional investment in the relationship, then wait. This point isn’t quite as obvious, but there’s also such a thing as waiting too long to have the big discussions. After all, you don’t want to fall in love with someone, get extremely serious with him, and then find out that you two aren’t compatible on what matters most to you. In fact, it’s actually irresponsible to wait too long before tackling these issues, because that leaves both of you open to experiencing all kinds of unnecessary hurt.
When your instincts and common sense tell you it’s time, it’s time ;)

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523

Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

Clearly, there’s a problem with asking the big questions too early. You might scare the other person off if you begin addressing the “serious” issues before you’re far enough into the relationship. If he or she think that all you want is a marriage partner—any marriage partner—instead of the right person to be happy with, then they might not hang around long enough to find out what a great person you are. If you have an instinct that it’s too soon or that you two aren’t quite in the same place in terms of emotional investment in the relationship, then wait.Not too late.This point isn’t quite as obvious, but there’s also such a thing as waiting too long to have the big discussions. After all, you don’t want to fall in love with someone, get extremely serious with him or her, and then find out that you two aren’t compatible on what matters most to you. In fact, it’s actually irresponsible to wait too long before tackling these issues, because that leaves both of you open to experiencing all kinds of unnecessary hurt.

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Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

People go bonkers about this. Perfectly reasonable humans turn into walking rom-com tropes when it comes to the future of their relationships. The non-married, long-term couples I know tend to fall on a spectrum: At one extreme, there are those who are obsessed with their future plans. They have timelines. They have rings and baby names and curtains and grave plots picked out. They have built their Tunnel of Love and they are just so excited to live in it forever you guys and tell you all about it... whether you like it or not. At the other end of the spectrum are the couples that turn into mob witnesses when asked about their future plans. Are they thinking of getting married? They can't recall. Do they want kids? No comment. They haven't thought about it. They're playing it by ear. They're seeing where things go.

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Carl
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:17
when it is time to talk about future?

Every second our senses are deluged with data, more than we can possibly process. To deal with this overload, the brain is continuously sifting and sorting, trying to tease apart the critical from the casual. Since nothing is more critical to the brain than survival, the first filter most of this incoming information encounters is the amygdala, an almond-shaped portion of the ­temporal lobe responsible for ­primal emotions like rage, hate and fear. It’s also our early-warning ­system, an organ on high alert, constantly scanning our environment for anything that could threaten survival. So , yeah.

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567

Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

You know what , i do not think that thinking about future is the best thing you could ever do, because in that case you literally thing what you want to achieve and that is not bad, but some aspects make it bad. I do not really like to think about future, all i can do is to thin about the strategy how to achieve it and that is what you need to be completed when we speak about future. It has the same tendency when we talk about relationship, because you cannot be 100 percent sure that your partner is yours for the entire life and that is the difficulty of the process.

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Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

Absolutely! Ask him what his long term goals for the next five years are for his life. How does he feel about marriage & does he want to get married anytime soon (year or 2).
Then...you tell him your goals.....career, condo, marriage...
You need to know if he even see's you in that way or not. A good book suggestion on this topic is: Why Men Marry Bitches, by Sherry Argov. The name is a bit ranchy, but the info is great!

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Peter's picture
Peter
Last seen: 3 years 10 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2014 - 08:22
when it is time to talk about future?

Unfortunately, there’s no magic time line for when it’s right to take on the serious issues. I can’t tell you to wait three weeks (or three months) after you’ve begun dating, or to wait until you’ve been on 19 dates. All I can suggest is that you consider the circumstances and how the other person might feel about your bringing up such issues at the time. It’s important to listen to your instincts and use your best judgment. It really depends on circumstances, but a good rule of thumb is that you want to address the big questions when you feel you have a good sense that things are getting more serious for both of you. Don’t wait until the relationship is already serious, and don’t do it when you’ve been on only one or two dates. But when you can tell that the relationship is definitely progressing, that’s probably a good time to bring up the issues. Keep in mind that you don’t have to be waiting for “the perfect moment” to bring up the issues you care about.

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Steve
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/17/2016 - 02:00
when it is time to talk about future?

I agree with the thought that the time to talk about future does not depend on the period of dating. People may date for years and not to talk about such things or they can begin building future plans after a month of dating. If you feel that it is the right time to talk about future now, you should do it, if a person loves you, he will understand you and agree that it is time to move on with your plans. But, on the other hand, it depends on the person and your relationships. All in all, it will help you to understand you partner's needs, wishes and cherished dreams, to understand each other better, become sure that you want to follow common directions in life.

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